Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 9:57 PM |
To be honest, I don't give no fucks to all the attention that I am getting. The attention that I am getting is not what I really want. I am craving for attention and love and care from my family. I hate how much I am neglected. I hate how much the relationship between us is just based on monetary terms. I hate how I go back to this so-called "home" and just lock myself in the room. I hate loneliness. I am afraid to be alone. I fear being left alone. I had enough of people leaving. I had enough of people telling me that they give up on me because I am such a fucked up bitch. I tried changing, who actually sees?
I want my real family back, I want my mother back, I want my cliques back. God, just give me back the happiness that I deserved. I hate putting up a strong front. I hate telling everyone that I am fine when I just want to break down. I hate forcing laughter and being all smiles. Because if I was to really be myself outside, people wouldn't be happy too. So what can I do other than to act like I am happy outside? Sometimes I really want to breakdown outside, but who is there to actually hear me out, to actually lend me shoulders to cry on?
Sometimes, actually most of the time, I just need a big hug from you, telling me that everything's gonna be okay, because you're here.