Just her girl.
Thursday, April 18, 2013 @ 9:21 PM |
School wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Maybe because it's only the second day of school. However, saw a few hypocrites here and there but doesn't really matter because they are not part of my life and I met really cute friends as well as classmates. I hope that they will stay like this forever. Like, real and everything. Even though things are going smoothly now, I know it will not stay long. It's just temporary and things will just go hay-wire soon. Maybe it's just me and my pessimistic thoughts, but I'm sure, one day, some will leave. Like I had not enough of people leaving yet. Whatever.
Don't know why but I am still stress over school stuffs as well as monetary issues. Trying my hard to save up as much as I can but the stupid shopaholic habit of mine keeps getting in the way. Had two lessons and I'm able to cope with it but I think it will still take some time for me to adapt to the new school's system. I just hope that I will be able to cope with studies and make my family proud, or, maybe just gain some attention from them. Have I not said that I crave attention and love?
I know my personality is really bad and I am hot tempered and stuffs, and I really hate my personality. I am trying so hard to change, why can't things just go in my way? Why did God made things so complicated? Sometimes I just feel like breaking down because I can't handle all these problems. Problems one after the other one, help me?
I will always dream of mummy every so often. I am still the mummy's girl I was 6 years back. Even though we may be separated physically, I can still feel her in my heart. She is the heart that keeps me alive. Whenever I want to give up on life, whenever I feel like I can't make it, I can't handle the stress, I try to persevere on because of her. I know she wants the best for me. I know she wants me to make it far in life. I won't, and can't let her down.
Behind the smiles, you see the tears. Who says rainbow comes after the rain? It rained for so long, where's the rainbow? Where's the perfect family I pictured it to be? Where's all the love and attention I need? So many Whys but God just wouldn't answer my question.