Love
( I'm so sorry that I've to post two posts a day but I promised myself to have a post about love today. So click back at the bottom of the post to go back to the previous post about today if you have missed it ok? )

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So, what's love? In wikipedia, it means it is an emotion of strong attractions and personal affection and in some dictionaries, it is defined as having a strong feeling to something/someone. To teenage girls, it is meant to have your heart broken after a short period of happy moments and of course to some teenage boys, it meant lust and fun. Often on social sites you can see girls and boys posting sad statuses or tweets, so what have become of love? When I was young, I remember vividly that I thought love is a very simple thing whereby a boy brings a girl out for a dinner and gives her roses and they will get married and live happily ever after, well, at least in majority of the drama I watched, it is like this. But when I grew up to be a teenager, I realized love isn't as simple as it is as shown in the shows. It's rather kind of complicating or not-so-innocent-and-pure type of thing? I'm always hearing from boys that the girls don't comprehend boys and also hearing complaining and ranting from girls that the boys don't understand them. But well, we're both different genders. Our mind functions differently. Boys are now often stereotyped into a-creature-who-always-goes-around-breaking-girls-heart. But they never realized that what they're doing is hurting the girl. Like wise, boys could get hurt too by the actions we girls do (but we may not realized that we have hurt the guys because we THINK that what we're doing is right). You might not know when they are hurt because boy are more egoistic and they don't really reveal their feelings to people. Of course, being in love doesn't necessary means to be super sweet with each other,always saying I love you to each other and things like that. Quarrels are invented to spice up your relationship and of course there will be obstacles for the both of you to overcome. And those obstacles is to test your love for each other. And yes, of course I've love problems. ( I typed a long chunk actually of how we have met, what happened in between and how we end, but I don't see a point anymore so i deleted it. )

( Typed another long chunk, didn't really matter anymore, so deleted )


So.. I went around asking people if I should break up with him. All gave me different answers, so as a typical teenage girl, I started posting sad love quotes on facebook because I felt that something was wrong for not talking to each other for a couple of days. Then my MSN start blinking. I was elated when I saw his name. But I was kind of nervous too because I had this really bad feeling. But it wasn't a really good conversation because he sent me "If you want to break with me, just tell me, don't have to post on facebook and stuffs" I didn't get a chance to reply, and another message pops up. "Let's break up." My heart sank and I felt torn apart. No one can understand how i felt that night. I was like ok.. then he came up with some excuses of him being stress due to his family and school. I got really mad angry with him at that point of time. My tears continue falling. My mood went from elated to nervous to dead. That is my worse night of my life. Friends started calling me asking if I'm okay. I'm trying to stay calm but i can't and I let everything out. That night, I cried myself to sleep. Went school the next day and i felt like hell seeing him. Can't concentrate in class and that period of time happens to be near exams. I didn't know what to do. I have no motivations as well and seeing him moodless too hurt my heart. Friends at that point of time got really mad at him for "playing" with my feeling so they started to find him. I didn't know what had happened to me that point of time and I joined them because they told me that we should not let guys play with our hearts. I was really sad that time, so i just followed suit. After a few months, I thought I'm fine. I got together with two other guys after that and I realized that none can be compared to him. I felt really down. Very down. It has been almost 2 years. I never thought my love for him can be this long. And I too know that he is a boy who flirts a lot. But I just can't hate him. So I stalked his facebook and twitter every day, and it hurts me to see that he has fell in love with this girl and this girl replies him that coldly. I don't get why must love be that complicating. I still remember every moment I had with him.

Do you still remember? I remember the first thing you gave me was a necklace. We were slacking at the staircase at down hill when mr kamsari came down and saw us and we were late for school. You put on the necklace for me while we were getting our punishment. You then walked me back to my class. You cut out a heart shape out of an apple. And you never fail to give me surprises. Remember our first month? I wanted to bake a cookie for you, but I did not have the time to. I miss all the times we had together. That teachers day when we skipped school together and we went to my primary school and then to yours in the afternoon. Everyone was talking about us. We went for a movie next and I miss to sit beside you in the theatre so badly. I doubt you're reading this, but if you're, I just want you to be happy. no more quarrels with your family.

Ineveroncestoppedlovingyoubutidontknowhowtosayitbecauseialwaysfeelsodamninsecureafterthedayyouleaemeandi'mafraidthatyoullleavemealoneagainthistimeround.

J A N I S E U。